If as a kid or even as an adult you went through some trauma and you decided, I’m going to make sure that never happens again by being perfect.
If I can be perfect, I’ll make sure this never happens again. This isn’t true but it gives you a sense of control when things are completely out of control.
And especially as a little kid in a hard family situation, you can’t get out of it so it’s more comforting to think it’s my fault and if I can just be perfect, I’ll get through this.
So you decide:
I’m not going to let my guard down
I’m not going to relax
I’m not going to be okay with being mediocre
I’m going to take control by being perfect.
And if you grew up in a household with a parent who was an alcoholic or was emotionally abusive, your perfectionism probably worked it’s a survival strategy.
It kept you as safe as you could be while you were in this incredibly difficult situation.
But if you are out of the household with an abuser now, it’s safe for you to be imperfect.
It’s safe for you to make mistakes.
It’s safe for you to file for bankruptcy.
It’s safe for you to hurt someone’s feelings.
It’s safe for you to navigate a divorce.
It’s safe to ask for help.
You don’t need to be perfect anymore. So the next time you make a mistake, see if you can be 1% kinder to yourself.
Hugs,
Bryn
PS Pablo and I’s next Toronto Somatic workshop is on Grounding and Presence. We’d love to have you there. Learn more – brynbamber.com/cocoon/
PSS If you want to achieve your money goal, career goal, love life goal or stop yelling at your kids goal without relying on perfectionism as a driving force, I can help. This is the exact work that I do with my clients.