Money

My breath is short. I am trying to get enough air. I am panicking.

I want to go to back to school badly but when I see the price of the plane ticket, I feel like I can’t breathe. How will I afford this 5 times a year? Will I go into debt? Will I ever be able to get out? Will I ever be able to start saving for retirement? Will I end up alone, desolate, broke on the street?

I have been accepted into a four year practitioner program for a particular type of therapy. It looks at the patterns we developed as children particularly with our parents and how those patterns affect our current relationships. I have been a client of this type and I love the impact it is having on my work and my life. I am learning to feel my anger instead of running away from it, I am learning to say no to invitations I don’t want, I am learning to ask for help.

When I was accepted into the program I was both excited and terrified. I want it with every cell in my body. I want to learn more about the philosophy and the patterns that are keeping me trapped.

But the financial commitment is overwhelming. I have some money saved so I will likely be able to make it through the first year without going into too much debt but next year, my savings will be gone. I don’t know how I will pay for the next 3 years of the program.

I recently took a workshop on transitions and learned that there are three stages:

Stage One – Ending, change

Stage Two – A place of unknowing – patience and openness required

Stage Three – Beginning something new – needs time to emerge

In the workshop, I learned that the place of unknowing is hardest place for me to be. I want to know so badly, I often make rash decisions even though I don’t have all the information I need. Or I numb myself through working too much, wine and bingeing on Netflix.

I can see how I am in this unknowing place about how I will pay for school. I’ve applied for grants and financial aid. If I get the grants, I will likely be fine. If I don’t, I’ll have to figure something out.

But I want to know now. I don’t want patience and openness. I want certainty and stability. I hate waiting. I hate uncertainty. I want out.

I want to make a quick decision or to numb this feeling but I am trying to do something different this time. I am trying to feel my uncertainty completely.

It’s not a comfortable place but I know it’s where my power lies. If I can breath in the uncertainty and welcome it; if I can refrain from numbing and refrain from making hasty decisions then the uncertainty loses it’s control over my life. I get the control back.

I don’t want a life that’s made of rash decisions. I want a life made of thoughtfulness. I don’t want a life built of fear of uncertainty. I want a life that’s built with quality and care.

So I am working on sitting and breathing. I am working on feeling and not rushing anywhere.

How will I pay for school? I don’t know yet. But I’m trying my best to take figuring it out with as much patience and openness as I can muster. And I’m working on building the life I want.

What are your thoughts on money? Has the money anxiety exercise helped you?

Leave a comment below :).

Author: Bryn Bamber

I work with big hearted people who want to make a positive impact in the world. The only problem is: -Your career isn’t working -You wake up some days and don’t want to get out of bed -You’re stressed about paying the bills Career Coaching in the Forest teaches you how to make small shifts that will free up tons of energy for the things you really love. A life where you wake up to feeling a sense of purpose and easily pay the bills. I teach you how to approach making a career change in a way that is fun, easy and gets results :). I have over a decade of experience in the field of education and during my four years at an educational non-profit I hired enough contract staff to know what employers want and DON’T WANT in the job application process. So why did I start this? When I was 24, I was overwhelmed by my job working with vulnerable youth and fell apart. I moved to a yoga centre for 2 years to put myself back together. There I figured out what I was messing up at work and became a yoga and meditation teacher. Career Coaching in the Forest will help you to see the mistakes you’re making without having to move to a yoga centre! And use meditative practices to help you see where you need to go. I know exactly what it feels when something’s not right in your career and now I love helping others to make changes so their lives can become full of meaning and purpose again and so that you can make lots money too ;). Start today: get my Free Resource: Land Your Dream Job Checklist here - tinyurl.com/dreamjobchecklist And above all else, please go for your dreams. Your life has meaning. You are here for reason. Find out what it is and when you do put all you that you got towards it! Talk soon! Bryn To learn more go to www.couragecompass.org

2 thoughts on “Money”

  1. Excellent thinking, thanks Bryn! I find myself in a similar situation in some ways, and it felt good to read your words!

    On Fri, Sep 16, 2016 at 10:40 AM, WordPress.com wrote:

    > Bryn Bamber posted: “My breath is short. I am trying to get enough air. I > am panicking. I want to go to back to school badly but when I see the price > of the plane ticket, I feel like I can’t breathe. How will I afford this 5 > times a year? Will I go into debt? Will I ever be ” >

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