Nikki Glaser has a joke about when she’s kissing her date goodnight she always makes sure to put her hands around his neck because if you accidentally graze his dick, you have to do something with it.
I laughed, everyone in the crowd of her Netflix taping laughed, because on some level it’s true.
I know growing up I was taught that “leading a guy on” was a terribly selfish thing to do.
Only now as an adult, I understand that this kind of message supports rape culture.
“Why would you go camping with him if you didn’t want to go all the way?”
“Going to a hot tub with him gives a certain message.”
“Laughing at his jokes gives a certain message.”
Like, what the fuck?! I can’t laugh at a man’s jokes UNLESS I WANT TO FUCK HIM?!
And even though I’m attracted to women, this same standard doesn’t apply. If I go camping or to the spa with a girlfriend no one says, “What message are you giving her??” Even if this friend is also attracted to women.
So why is there this double standard?? Why is friendliness considered flirting in one context but not another? And how can we break free?
Awareness is always the first step, so even just by reading this you’re starting to change something in your brain.
And if you want more awareness watch @NikkiGlaser’s Netflix special Bangin’. Or watch @TiffanyHaddish or @AliWong or basically any comic that was socialized as female. They’re all talking about these issues.
There’s the archaic question that makes all kinds of weird assumptions: “Can a guy and a girl really just be friends?”
When I honestly think back to what I did when I started building more awareness, it was cutting certain people who lived with these weird kinds of expectations out of my life.
The more I’ve built my awareness, the more I’ve built icky vibes intuition and the more I run the other way when someone gives me icky vibes.
So keep building your awareness. Keep building your ick meter. And learn that you have the right to say no.
You got this,
Bryn
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Isnt that so insane? That we women are raised to somehow believe men have zero control over their urges and that we are the ones who have to “behave” in order to make sure they do not lose it and rape us? rape culture is messed up and usually its part of a lot of cultures
I totally agree. Sending supportive energy your way for whatever you or those socialized as women around you are navigating.