In codependent relationships on an energetic level your energy is enmeshed. And sometimes even though your energy is enmeshed your heart is closed to protect yourself.
In a healthy relationship you can step in and out of the other person’s energy field, so you can empathize with them but you can also step away (either physically or energetically) and feel your own feelings about the situation.
In a codependent relationship even if you’re 10,000 miles away you can still faintly or sometimes strongly feel what the other person is feeling and particularly what they’re feeling towards you.
How to break the codependence energy bubble:
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- Move your anger towards the other person
When you and the other person are enmeshed, there’s going to be either:
– Anger because you want to control how they feel so you feel better.
– Anger that they’re trying to control you.
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So PHYSICALLY move the anger towards the other person:
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– Stomping
– Yelling
– PunchingIf you’re new to working with anger simply bring your hands into fists and say “I’m angry” and notice if you can feel the anger in your body when you say that.
This will start to break that energy bubble you’re in together.
Consider attending the Rage On Workshop later in August if you want more support and guidance in moving this anger. Message me for details about this.
- Experiment with Boundaries
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There’s a need for boundaries so you can feel your own feelings without being influenced by them.
You can do this by:
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– Limiting the time you spend in person
– Limiting the time you spend together energetically (for ex. time on the phone)Finding the right sized boundaries takes time. So you get to experiment.
Ex. Next time I go home to visit my parents I’m only going to spend one night as opposed to 3. Or the next time I’m on the phone with my brother I’m going to limit the phone call to 20 minutes.
You might feel some guilt or fear about setting boundaries because you likely learned that it’s mean or selfish or unsafe to set boundaries.
So it might not feel great initially. But notice once you’ve processed the guilt or the fear if you can feel your own preferences more, having the space.
Do you feel more energized after? Do you feel lonely? Do you feel relieved?
Note: Loneliness isn’t always an indicator you need to spend time with that person, sometimes you need to spend more time in other healthier relationships
“One of the most shocking revelations of my work was that the most compassionate people I’ve interviewed over the years, were also the most boundaried…
Compassionate people ask for what they need. They say no when they need to, and when they say yes, they mean it. They’re compassionate because their boundaries keep them out of resentment.”
― Brene Brown
The more healthy boundaries you set around the people you love, the more compassionate and open hearted you’ll be able to be in the long run.
- Move your anger towards the other person
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If you want to learn how to do this and use it with your clients, the Somatic Mini Program is for you.
It’s 4 sessions:
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- 2 sessions focused on experiencing the somatic practices yourself.
- 2 sessions on how to use somatic techniques with your clients
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The best way to learn somatic tools to work with your clients is to EXPERIENCE them in your body. And since you often attract clients similar to you, your personal session can help you get clear on what somatic techniques are most important for you to share with your clients .
I normally work with folks for a minimum for 6 months and so this is the first time in 2022 I’m opening up a 4 session program. And I’m only opening up 4 spaces. If you’re interested in one, email me at bryn@brynbamber.com and we can chat about it.
