Overcoming Worthlessness

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I have struggled with worthlessness for as long as I can remember. As a little girl I believed I only had worth if I got good marks, was packed and ready to go on time, if I did the dishes and looked pretty. I used every external marker to give myself worth. If I got a B or was late, I felt terrible. My breath would get fast, my chest would get tight and I would beat myself up.

And now, as an adult, I still fall into these patterns. I rush to the meeting, obsess over my work and beat myself up if I notice a stain on my clothes or if I forget a small detail.

And the thing about worthlessness, is I often don’t realize how it’s influencing my decisions and controlling my life.

A recent example is I have been worried about money. In 2016, I went down to working 4 days a week, moved into my own apartment and went back to school part time.

All of these changes add value to my life but also consistently lower the amount of money I have in the bank. I had to borrow a small amount of money from my dad recently and am scared that it might become a pattern.

Will I be able to provide for myself? Will I end up with a big pile of debt after four years of school? How will I dig myself out?

I’d been thinking about these questions all week, so in my therapy session, I brought it up. My whole body tensed subtly when I said the word money. My therapist asked, “What is about money that makes you feel tense? That scares you?”

As we talk, I start to realize I feel like I shouldn’t borrow money and if I do I should pay it back quickly. I feel like if I don’t keep it together financially, I have failed and am worthless.

I have an image that to be a responsible adult, I need to be putting money away for retirement and anything less than that is a failure.

I feel the pain of worthlessness and begin to cry. I cry for my childhood, for the little girl who worked so hard in order to be perfect. And I also cry for myself now, for the hours I’ve spent beating myself up.

I start to see that my beliefs about finances aren’t necessarily true. Maybe investing in myself and adding value to my life are worth accruing a little bit of debt over. I am building a small life coaching business that will likely turn a profit soon. Maybe I can let myself not be perfect and see what happens.

Overcoming worthlessness looks like taking the small risks that I’ve been terrified of for years and then making notes afterwards. If I go into a little bit of debt, will the world fall apart? If I am five minutes late for the meeting, will my colleagues reject me? If my hair is not perfect, will I never be loved?

I test these questions in my mind and see that I have been running myself crazy. These untested beliefs are the ways we build our own prisons.

The prisons are not made of brick and steel, but by our own minds. They are the way we keep ourselves small and keep ourselves trapped.

The gift is that since we created them, we can open up our cell door ourselves. It was never locked after all. We can take a small risk and take notes.

And as we take more risks, we walk to a new level of freedom.

So join me in overcoming worthlessness: Take a small risk and take notes. Let me know how it goes.

We can be our own heros. We can set ourselves free.

Have a great weekend!
Bryn

Author: Bryn Bamber

I work with big hearted people who want to make a positive impact in the world. The only problem is: -Your career isn’t working -You wake up some days and don’t want to get out of bed -You’re stressed about paying the bills Career Coaching in the Forest teaches you how to make small shifts that will free up tons of energy for the things you really love. A life where you wake up to feeling a sense of purpose and easily pay the bills. I teach you how to approach making a career change in a way that is fun, easy and gets results :). I have over a decade of experience in the field of education and during my four years at an educational non-profit I hired enough contract staff to know what employers want and DON’T WANT in the job application process. So why did I start this? When I was 24, I was overwhelmed by my job working with vulnerable youth and fell apart. I moved to a yoga centre for 2 years to put myself back together. There I figured out what I was messing up at work and became a yoga and meditation teacher. Career Coaching in the Forest will help you to see the mistakes you’re making without having to move to a yoga centre! And use meditative practices to help you see where you need to go. I know exactly what it feels when something’s not right in your career and now I love helping others to make changes so their lives can become full of meaning and purpose again and so that you can make lots money too ;). Start today: get my Free Resource: Land Your Dream Job Checklist here - tinyurl.com/dreamjobchecklist And above all else, please go for your dreams. Your life has meaning. You are here for reason. Find out what it is and when you do put all you that you got towards it! Talk soon! Bryn To learn more go to www.couragecompass.org

3 thoughts on “Overcoming Worthlessness”

  1. Hi Bryn: Great, helpful post. Subsequently found this analogy of worth posted by a friend on FB. She heard it in a women’s gathering she went to this week:

    “A hundred dollar bill crisp and new. What is it worth?
    A hundred dollars.
    A hundred dollar bill crumpled up in your pocket. What is it worth?
    A hundred dollars.
    A hundred dollar bill in the gutter filthy and worn. Stomped upon. Forgotten. Ignored. What is it worth?
    A hundred dollars.
    Worth does not change.
    Your worth is infinite as it was valued as such by The Universe. Not upon your newness. Not by what got messy in life. Not by others opinions nor your own. Worth was established long before that, and cannot change. Feel that for a moment. Let it expand. Let it bubble up and flow all around you and join with the infinite worth of all beings. A good and true perspective to grasp. And a fine way to start the day.”

    I found this helpful. Hope you do, too!

  2. Thank You for This Reminder! It is my mind that creates a prison. I’m also on this journey of taking small risks… though I will take more notes (been lacking journaling lately).

    Resolution = Walking The Path of Light

    Hari Om

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