I have struggled with worthlessness for as long as I can remember. As a little girl I believed I only had worth if I got good marks, was packed and ready to go on time, if I did the dishes and looked pretty. I used every external marker to give myself worth. If I got a B or was late, I felt terrible. My breath would get fast, my chest would get tight and I would beat myself up.
And now, as an adult, I still fall into these patterns. I rush to the meeting, obsess over my work and beat myself up if I notice a stain on my clothes or if I forget a small detail.
And the thing about worthlessness, is I often don’t realize how it’s influencing my decisions and controlling my life.