If you grew up in a household with some dysfunction, you might’ve learned to be independent before you were ready.
Maybe you learned that you couldn’t lean on the grownups who raised you, so you held yourself up. Or you learned to read the subtle change on the face of a parent so you could take care of their needs.
And now you’re wondering, why can’t I relax? Why is it so hard for me to trust?
This is why.
When you were young and your brain was very plastic, you learned that the people who were supposed to take care of you weren’t trustworthy.
And at 8 years old you couldn’t move out or demand other parents. You had to make things work in the household you were in. So you did. You grew up too fast. You became a caregiver.
But now as an adult, you have more choice: you can leave an unhealthy relationship or quit a job with a horrible boss.
Your younger self is still stuck in the neural pathway that says: “People are not to be trusted. I need to walk on eggshells to keep myself safe.” This pathway is strong because it was formed when your brain was still developing.
So say to that younger part of yourself: “You were right at that time. The safest thing was to be hyper-vigilant and not lean on others and not ask for help. Thank you for keeping me safe.
And now things are different, there are some people who are trustworthy now. It’s safe for us to relax now. But I totally understand why you feel it isn’t safe.”
Bring compassion to that younger part of you who went through a lot and was doing her absolute best to keep herself safe. Thank them and show them that things are safer now. They no longer live in that dysfunctional household and there’s more safety available for them.
You did the best possible thing at the time. And things are different now. You’re big now. It’s safe now to relax.
And if you want to do some deep healing work and create newer healthier neural pathways, reach out.
When my clients heal these old patterns they find they:
- Stand up for themselves more in the workplace
- They land a dream job
- Or quit their job and start the business they’ve been secretly thinking about for years
- They also fall in love
- Or learn to thrive in their current relationship(s)
When your younger self is scared to trust, it can be difficult to progress romantically or career-wise because you show up in a more guarded way.
As you begin to heal this, the floodgates open, and creating the life of your dreams becomes easier.
If you’re curious about working with me, leave a reply or email me at firstname.lastname@example.org. We’ll set aside a full hour just for you to look at your dreams, your goals, and what neural pathways from childhood could be in the way. You’ll learn more about yourself and have insights right on this free call. And you’ll also have the opportunity to tune into your intuition to ask whether we’re the right fit.
Take the best possible care of yourself.