Fill Your Plate First

This weekend at brunch, I served myself first and started eating while other friends were still scurrying around finishing up cooking their parts.

If you were socialized as a woman you were taught that putting your needs first – whether it’s mental health needs, financial needs or filling your goddamn plate at brunch needs – is selfish.

But this time I said fuck it and FILLED MY OWN PLATE FIRST.

Here’s why putting your needs last is toxic. Let’s take the brunch example:

      • In my old pattern I would’ve been hungry and wanted to eat but didn’t feel “worthy”
      • I’d secretly feel resentful about it and then I would’ve probably tried to force my partner to fill his plate and start eating
      • He probably would’ve felt my weird urgency and felt pushed around
      • I’d eventually eat but I’d feel drained by my resentment

Now this seems like not a big deal but if you were socialized as a woman you end up doing these adjustments 75 times per week.

So you end up A LOT drained.

This is partially why women burn out at higher rates than men.

ANDDD… this is also part of the wage gap, you’re drained from never putting your needs first and then:

      • You have less energy to do a great job at work
      • You’re less likely to ask for a raise or negotiate a fair salary

There’s RESEARCH that when women have more money, they reinvest in their communities and donate to charities.

The world needs more money in the hands of folks socialized as women and it can start with you.




PS If you have the intuitive sense that filling your plate last is part of why you’re not at the income level you want to be at yet, I can help.

This is the exact work I do with clients that’s led them to negotiating higher salaries or signing more clients to increase their income level.

Plus, I doubled my income from 2020 to 2021 so I know something about doing this work ;).

If you want to explore whether working together is going to help you breakthrough to the next income level, book a free consultation here.

PSS if you loved this message and know a friend that it could help, please send it to them!!


Author: Bryn Bamber

Career Coach Bryn Bamber helps people like you find a career that’s aligned with your goals. Her Burnout to Brilliance program teaches you how to make small shifts that will free up tons of energy for the things you really love. Start today with your FREE Checklist: Decrease Stress and Get an Hour of Your Day Back! Get it here - Learn more about Bryn & the Burnout to Brilliance program at

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