Even the best parents say NO to some of your emotions.
Maybe they couldn’t handle your anger. Maybe when you cried they’d say, “Don’t cry, be happy!” Maybe when you were playing and having fun and they had to work a night shift and yelled, “Shut up!!”
As a little kid, you HAD TO maintain the connection to your parents or caregivers. They were your ONLY source of food, shelter, love and attention.
You prioritized people pleasing them over your true authentic feelings. And this is where your inner critic was born.
You had to be quiet so you’d yell at yourself if a toy clattered to the ground.
Or you’d discount your anger, “It wasn’t that bad. You shouldn’t be angry. It’s your fault.”
Your inner critic sometimes parrots the EXACT PHRASES your parents said to you.
It’s safe now to let go of the inner critic but your brain doesn’t know that.
With one boss, I was people pleasing her and beating myself up when I didn’t, so I didn’t lose my job.
But I could get a new job. If I was my true authentic self and my boss was abusive, I could start applying to new jobs and I’d eventually get one. I didn’t need to be obsessively people pleasing.
But the neural pathway from childhood was still telling me, “You need to maintain this connection at all costs because she is your ONLY source of food and shelter via money.”
So start building loving boundaries with your inner critic. This part is not evil, it’s not trying to hurt you. It’s just a young part of you that’s trying to keep you safe.
And that’s exactly why I created the 30 Days of Selfishness Challenge.
The inner critic wants you to be perfect and people pleasing. So we’re creating a selfish safe space where you can stop listening to the critic and do what’s best for you.
Join the FREE 30 Days of Selfishness Challenge here.
