Trauma leads to a lack of boundaries

Every 2 year old says no, no, no, no, no. So if your client doesn’t have healthy boundaries, it’s likely because some trauma that taught them that saying no doesn’t work.

The good news is learning boundary setting can be a part of your client’s healing.

Here’s how:

1)   Boundaries Muscles

You build boundary muscles by exercising them. You’re not going to start by bench pressing 200 lbs…

So start with a 2 pound boundary, which could be something like:

      • Postponing a coffee date with a friend bc you’re exhausted
      • Calling in sick to work when you’re sick
      • Sending your food back at a restaurant when it’s burnt

(Btw I used to be the person who would rather eat burnt ass fish, than bother the waiter. I know this struggle!!)

Once your client has learned how to set smaller boundaries, try setting slightly bigger boundaries.

And keep reminding them: 

“The only people who’ll be upset by your boundaries, are those who benefited from you having none.”


2) Mistakes help you learn

I’ve had a heated discussion with a friend about them being 2 minutes late. Which was too strong of a boundary.

And I’ve let a friend hurt my feelings over and over again and not protected myself. Which was too small of a boundary.

Boundaries mistakes are how you learn! Your clients are not going to get the perfect sized boundaries every time but trying different things out is how they’ll learn to set healthier boundaries.

I’ve chosen to apologize when my boundary was too big.  And I’ve built a bigger boundary after the fact because my first boundary was too small.

Trying, making mistakes and adjusting is how you and your clients will get better and better at setting healthy boundaries!


Go forth, set boundaries!





PS The Advanced Somatic Certification has a whole section on setting healthier boundaries and applications for the next round open in June!

If you want to see some examples of how to use somatics to heal after a boundary has been crossed, check out the FREE WORKSHOP: Somatics to Heal Patriarchy. It’ll give you a little taste of how to set boundaries somatically.

Author: Bryn Bamber

Career Coach Bryn Bamber helps people like you find a career that’s aligned with your goals. Her Burnout to Brilliance program teaches you how to make small shifts that will free up tons of energy for the things you really love. Start today with your FREE Checklist: Decrease Stress and Get an Hour of Your Day Back! Get it here - Learn more about Bryn & the Burnout to Brilliance program at

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