I was terrified to talk to a friend recently about a conflict we’d had. I was scared to tell them how their actions impacted me and scared to name the boundary I thought would lead to repair. It was a fucking uncomfortable conversation. And it ended up going well. I felt immense relief afterwards.
In the past I totally SUCKED at setting boundaries and as a recovering ppl pleaser, they’re still hard for me. But the more that I have these difficult conversations, the deeper the relief I feel in my bones…
So if you have a client who’s struggling with healthy boundaries, start with a Boundaries Audit:
Have your client rate on a scale of 1 – 10, with 1 being no boundaries and 10 being excellent boundaries, their boundaries level with:
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- Strangers
- Friends
- Family
- People at Work
- And their Inner Critic
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This will help them, and you, understand where their boundaries are stronger, where they need work.
If you’re going to do the audit with your clients, start by doing it yourself so you understand how it works and what positive impact this kind of awareness can bring.
After that you can help them set an intention about which boundaries to focus on improving.
Maybe their boundaries with family are only 3/10 but they want to prioritize boundaries with ppl at work because they have to go to work everyday but they only see their family once a year because they live on separate continents.
Remind your client of this quote:
“The only people who’ll be upset by your boundaries, are those who benefited from you having none.”
-Unknown
Then ask your client, what’s one baby step they can take to setting healthier boundaries.
The goal is to help the client take small steps towards setting healthier boundaries and to learn they still have the right to protect their energy, even if others get upset.
The Advanced Somatic Certification has a whole section on setting healthier boundaries and applications for the next round open in June, so mark your calendars!
And if you want to see some examples of how to use somatics to heal after a boundary has been crossed, check out the FREE WORKSHOP: Somatics to Heal Patriarchy. It’ll give you a little taste of how to set boundaries somatically:
