And I’ve learned a lot from navigating my own shame.
Here’s what can help:
1) Shame Thrives on Secrecy
Shame’s function is to keep you from getting “kicked out of the village.” In the past if you broke social rules you might have been exiled and not made it.
That’s why shame is so intense.
So when you tell a good friend and they don’t shun you but meet you with some empathy, your nervous system learns that you’re not going to be exiled and it’s safe to make mistakes.
2) Complete the Stress Cycle
Since shame is a kind of fear, you can treat it like any other kind of fear.
- go for a walk or run
- put on your fav song and dance
- or do yoga
Whatever kind of movement helps you feel better <3.
3) Thoughts Create Shame
Yesterday morning my thoughts were:
- why are you incompetent??
- why can’t you get motivated!?
- you lazy piece of shit
- you’ll never amount to anything
By writing them out I can see how cruel they are and that maybe they aren’t 100% true. Write down the thoughts you suspect are creating shame to give them less power.
4) Better Neural Pathways
The only way to reduce the strength of the shamey neural pathways is to edge them out with neutral or positive ones like:
Everyone has unproductive days sometimes.
I love myself even when I’m less productive.
I have my own back even if I make a mistake.
I can learn from mistakes, they don’t mean I’m an evil unlovable person.
So journal about some better ways to think about the situation, so you don’t get pulled into the same shame spiral as easily next time.
And sign up for the FREE Somatics to Heal Patriarchy Workshop Series because it has a Shame Edition Workshop where you’ll learn powerful somatic tools to heal your and your clients shame.
Join here 🙂 !
PS Fear of future shame spirals has also d7ominated my life, for example during the pandemic I was constantly terrified that I’d get Covid and give it to someone with a compromised immune system. I know the whole thing lol.
So definitely sign up for the free workshop to learn from my years of struggle lol…
Join here 😉 !