Maybe your dad was an alcoholic so you had to grow up really fast and you missed out on being a kid.
It’s important to make space for feeling:
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Angry at your dad,
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Sad about the experience,
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Feeling like it wasn’t fair.
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If you had to grow up fast because of a parent’s illness or something else, you probably pushed all of those feelings down and just coped.
You normalized the situation so you weren’t as terrified about the real challenges of the situation.
Maybe you thought every 10-year-old has to comfort your mom’s anxiety or care for your younger siblings or be the translator at doctor’s appointments where a scary diagnosis was delivered.
So, part of the healing process is acknowledging that you got HURT. That it wasn’t benign neglect that it was abusive neglect. Or that the situation is traumatic.
This isn’t to say that your parent or caregiver was evil. They probably had their own difficult situations that led to this.
But you got hurt. And what they did wasn’t good for you, it wasn’t okay, it hurt you.
Now the goal with victim energy isn’t to stay in it forever. But it’s an important phase of healing and different parts of the victim will come up again and again.
And that’s where inner child work comes in. You get to reparent these different parts of you who got hurt.
I ask my inner child: tell me why you’re angry, tell me why you’re terrified, tell me why you’re impatient and she gets to whinge and complain and let out all her fears.
And then I call on a deeper wiser part of me to speak with her and comfort her.
And sometimes I get so deep into this victim traumatized part of me that I need help. I need a somatic practitioner or a friend to support me and play the wise part when I’m really deeply triggered.
And the goal is to continue to strengthen the deep wise part in me to reparent the parts of me that got hurt.
When victim energy takes over and runs your whole life and makes all your decisions, that’s not ideal. But developing a new loving relationship with the parts of you that got hurt is the healthiest thing you can do.
And for everyone, sometimes the victim energy takes over. Sometimes you shout at your spouse and regret it. I even once cut some older folks off to get on the subway quickly because I was late. It was only once I was on the train car that I realized how rude I was and how I would’ve still been safe if I was a little late to my meeting.
It’s okay that it comes out sometimes.
And afterwards you can connect with that part. Ask her why she was so scared of being late. Comfort her and tell her that things are safer now than when she was a kid. And continue to heal.
Hugs,
Bryn
PS In the Sacred Goal Process, you’ll learn how to connect with these young parts of you who got hurt and connect them to the deeper wiser part of you, in order to heal what’s in the way of achieving your goal.
Like maybe your fear of rejection is making it difficult for you to genuinely invite clients into your programs. Or genuinely be open on a first date.
And so, you’ll work towards healing that part of you that got rejected likely when you were younger and is still reeling from the pain of it.
As you heal that, it’ll be much easier for you to make invitations and/or go on first dates or job interviews or even ask ppl to be your friend. And when that happens, you’ll achieve your goal much more quickly because either you’ll:
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Make more invitations/go on more dates
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Or you’ll be more open and vulnerable in these invitations/dates
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The Sacred Goal Process is a FREE BONUS starting January 15th that’s only available to my one-on-one clients who’ve signed up for a 6-month package.
If you’ve been wanting to work with me, book a free consult or apply to the scholarship asap and we’ll get you registered before Jan 15th so you can access this free resource.
