I am entranced by a new Master’s degree program and suddenly – like I do at beginning of most of my love affairs – I see the glimmer of beautiful possibility and begin to sprint after it.
This time I find myself on Google trying to find out which key words will identify the best non-profit in the world. No luck. I move onto Twitter and ask one of my current internet heros what her favourite non-profit is. Maybe she will have the key…
This degree can be done while working and you can apply what you are learning to your work. Therefore – a part of me decides – I must be working at the best place ever so that I can apply my learning to the best place therefore creating the biggest impact ever.
At some point I realize it is ridiculous to find the “best non-profit” and what I really need to find is where the best fit is for me.
And as I slow down to a jog I also realize I like working directly with people more than I like working with organizations so maybe the program’s not the best fit after all.
Efficiency is not always what it seems. I am beginning to see efficiency as people doing what they love – using their particular skills and talents to create a better world.
And then I realize this is what I actually want to do – I want to help people to find out what their potential is, to do what they love and fully develop the particular set of gifts they were born with. Each one of us is completely individual and what we have to offer the world is this incredibly unique and beautiful thing.
So what is my gift? What do I have to offer? What could helping people move towards their potential look like?
And as my time living and working in this community that I love (Yasodhara Ashram) begins to draw towards a close, these questions suddenly seem to have an urgency behind them.
And then, at the glimmer of a beautiful possibility, a part of my mind dashes off at full tilt towards what may or may not be a mirage.
The facts are that in this moment I am living my ideal – working with people and plants and developing programming to make this community an even more harmonious place. And the facts are that I don’t know exactly what is next for me and really, at this stage, I don’t need to know.
The planner in me wants a plan, but really it is time for the worker in me to do the work – to show up, one day at a time, and do what is set before me.
I am learning to trust that I will know what I need to know when I need to know it and in the meantime to be grateful for what I already have and to be grateful for what I already know.
The planner in me wants a plan, but the knower in me knows that the plan will only come when the time is right.
I wish I could figure out what I’m meant to do. One of these days something will click! Great post. Good luck!
Great to hear your process Bryn! When is your expected end date at the Ashram? What do you most want to do next? Om Namah Sivaya! Megan
Thanks Megan :). I’m going to send you an email!