I open the email and feel a weight on my chest. My face gets hot. I’m pissed.
I’ve been working on a project and one collaborator sent a message that I don’t agree with.
I know better than to respond right away and step away from my computer.
Brene Brown says that anger is an indicator that stronger boundaries are needed.
But I grew up in a house where anger wasn’t expressed directly.
So now I’m terrified. Expressing anger is one of the most unnatural feelings and scariest things for me!
But I’m learning…
So if you’re learning too, I wanna share some of my hard won insights about anger:
1. The Written Word Counts!
After taking some time I realized our communication about the project had broken down and my attempts to get us back on track hadn’t worked. So I sent an email withdrawing from the project.
You can start a difficult conversation by text, email or writing a letter and, if necessary, ask the person to meet to discuss further afterwards.
2. Some Relationships Die
Since I’ve had more direct anger and boundaries, some friendships haven’t survived. Which sucks and is hard.
But it’s also led me to the most fucking incredible friendships where we disagree and get angry and also have the most fun ;). No one is walking on eggshells and it’s a huge relief!
3. You don’t have to do it perfectly
Learning ANY new skill you’re not going to do it perfectly. Sometimes you’ll be too loud. Sometimes you might be too timid, and that’s how you LEARN! Don’t aim for perfection, aim for B – level anger ;).
4. Anger Matters
Growing up I learned that the only time to express anger was if someone killed my cat or did something equally egregious.
But you don’t have to have a horrific cause! I can be annoyed bc a friend is late. I can be frustrated by a miscommunication. Your anger matters.
If you want to learn more about anger and setting boundaries for both you and your clients, the FREE WORKSHOP Somatics for Healthy Boundaries was designed for you.
In this workshop you’re going to get a taste of the Advanced Somatics Certification which goes even deeper into these topics!