My brain: I don’t feel like doing anything today. I’m lazy. I’m a procrastinator. I suck. I’m never going to succeed. I hate this. How do I get motivated?
My intuition: woahhh… slow down. Take a deep breath. It’s okay to not feel like doing anything. Everyone feels like that some days, even Oprah…
B: I think there’s something really wrong with me. I’m not as busy as I want to be. And I decided not to go back to the Mtl School of Core Energetics. And I decided to close my certification. And wtf am I going to do now? Just sit around and be lazy and do nothing?? Something’s definitely wrong with me.
Intuition: you think to be “important” you have to be rushing around all the time in a powersuit with shoulder pads. Which isn’t true.
And you’re really sad because you’re grieving.. And that sucks and is drawing your energy. Can you be gentle while you’re going through this?
B – what if I’m too gentle with myself for too long and it gets to the point where I’m not safe??
I’m scared I’m going to be too gentle for too long and it’s not going to be safe.
Intuition: this was your survival tool from childhood. Work hard. Don’t be gentle. Suppress all your feelings and soldier on no matter what. And this was a good skill in childhood. This is what kept you safe.
And so it makes sense that you’re scared to do something else now. You’re scared to slow down and put your needs first which wasn’t safe in childhood.
So you’re fighting against it. But it’s safe now to slow down. It’s safe now to be gentle. It’s safe now to make space for your feelings.
B – is it really safe? are you sure?
Intuition – yes. it’s safe. It’s actually safer than suppressing everything which in the long term leads to mental and physical health issues.
B – but I feel safer when I’m rushing around busy and important and working hard and resentful of anyone who lets themself rest.
Intuition – it’s not that you feel safer, you feel exhausted. But it’s more familiar and it covers up this grief.
B – I don’t know what to do about my grief. I’m sad but I don’t know what to do with the sadness.
Intuition – grieve. maybe write something about her, not to publish, just for you.
This is Bryn writing now. If you struggle to be gentle with yourself because you’re scared you’ll be too gentle and something will go really wrong… I see you. I get it. I feel it too. And I’m slowly learning that it’s safe to be gentle now.
Sending love,
Bryn
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