A friend is 40 minutes late for our coffee date but I give him a hug and act as if he is on time. A colleague doesn’t show up for a meeting we’ve had planned for a long time, but I shrug it off and reschedule. The internet install guy drags out a simple procedure that should take 20 minutes so that it takes over 3 hours, but I smile, make polite conversation and laugh at his jokes.
I have gotten good at acting as if everything is fine. I have gotten good at hiding my anger. I have gotten good at avoiding conflict at all costs.
But I am starting to realize that every time I bite my tongue and pretend that everything is fine, it makes me feel sick inside. Even just writing this makes me feel tired and gross like there’s something black and sticky covering my heart.
It goes without saying: this doesn’t make me feel alive.
So I am practicing speaking up. Saying something. Anything. Breaking my pattern of silence.
And it won’t be perfect, I will mistake make sometimes. Sometimes I will be too harsh. Sometimes the person won’t understand.
But when breaking a pattern that I’ve had for decades I can’t expect it to break it perfectly. And neither can you. If you’re like me and have me stuffed your anger down and away for decades, you could do this.
- Do you want to speak up?
- Overcome shame?
- Stop feeling so drained?
- Have more time for what you love?
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Take care of yourself!!
Career Burnout Coach
The Courage Compass