I woke up at 5 am this morning with a heaviness in my chest. I put my hand on my heart and tried to breathe into the tension. I breathed deeply into my belly. I listened to the memoir I’m loving, Present over Perfect, for half an hour. And eventually the tension released enough that I could go back to sleep.
It’s 10:30 am now and I’ve made it to my favourite cafe. It has an exposed brick wall and chunky wood furniture and it’s brimming with people. I put my headphones in and open up my laptop to write. The heaviness in my chest is still here.
“The only way out is through” Robert Frost once wrote. And I know this is true with this heaviness. I can distract myself from it, I can watch TV or call a friend and talk about something unrelated. I can drink cappucinos and then quickly switch to hard cider at lunch.
But numbing is only a temporary solution. If I want to make it through I have to feel this. I need to invite the heaviness into my body completely. Maybe cry a little. Maybe yell a little. Feel it, express it. Let it pass through.
Intellectually, I know this is but in practice, it’s super hard. All I want to do is to run away from the feeling. I might feel better if I have a good cry but tears don’t come easily to me.
So here I am, sitting in a cafe feeling the heaviness. I don’t want to run away but I need support to do stay with the feeling.
And that’s exactly the reason I created the Overwhelm and Burnout Support group on Facebook, so that in moments when you feel overwhelmed by feelings you have a safe and private space to talk about what’s happening to you and get support.
We’re small and beautiful right now and I’m excited to have our community grow. If you want a private space to get support, please join us and feel free to share with others who need support – https://www.facebook.com/groups/709703142546627/ and don’t worry, it’s 100% free.
I’m almost done writing this and the heaviness is not gone… but writing about it helps. I can accept the feeling a little more. And somehow knowing you will read this releases the tension a little.
Thank you supporting me by reading this. It feels good to be seen in my imperfection.