And I can still love him…

Even as I step away from the possibility of romance
Turning away from the manipulations

Step out

Drawing my strength forward
Step out

And I can still feel desperate
Still need
Still cling

And I can cling to hope
for a simpler life
And consider falling in love with the man with the British accent on the subway
And cling to hope
to someday date a grown up who is inspired by the beauty of simple living

And choose not to date the tennis photographer
who reminds me of Pierre

And I can still cling
to hope.

A Different Kind of Love Poem

July 21, 2011

I love you.

And I’m not talking about that head-over-heels, butterflies in my stomach kind of love.
I’m not talking about the kind of love you see in the movies.

My love is based in action.

When I say that I love you I am promising to treat you with respect,
I am promising to be honest,
With you and myself.
I am saying that I care for you and will give you my love freely and openly.

My love is not blind,
It sees your beauty.

My love is grateful for all of the gifts that you bring to this world.

And my love is not a one way street,
When I say that I love and you and that I am promising to treat you with respect and honesty and care,
I am also promising to open to receive your respect, your honesty, your care.

I am opening to receive your love.

You see – this is not that “can’t eat, can’t sleep” kind of love.
With this love we share beautiful meals and sleep deeply at night.

In this love we love not only each other but also ourselves.

But don’t get me wrong – this kind of love is not always easy.
I’m not talking about that “happily-ever-after” kind of love either.

No – this love is full of challenges.
In this love we open ourselves up and become vulnerable.

No, this love is not always easy,
But it is always beautiful.

This love is real.
It’s far from perfect,
It’s full of laughter,
It’s full of tears,
And lessons that come out of nowhere.

And sometimes we still sit, giggling,
Watching some ridiculous romantic comedy where Julia Roberts finds the man of her dreams…

But you know,
That I’m talking about something very different,
When I say,

I love you.

Mountain Love

DSCF0380

My love for you feels like a mountain.
Slow and stable,
Strong and solid,
Dense.

It has the qualities of silence and great power.

And typically when I’ve encountered this type of power;
Particularly in a situation like ours where romance has shifted into friendship,
The intensity of this power would terrify me.

From this place of fear I would try to destroy it,
Leaving my hands bloody as you would expect if trying to squash rock with bare hands.

And there is still an entanglement I am trying to better understand.
This entanglement of an intimate sexual history and present sexual desires.
Sometimes I confuse this entanglement with the power and legitimacy of the mountain,
Although they are just vines on it’s surface.
And I know that their time is to be shorter than the time of stone.

The mountain is not going anywhere.
And I’m finally learning that my role is not to try and move it.