I’ve been writing a lot about career coaching stuff. About what you can do and how I can help. And I believe it. I believe that you are meant to bring out your gifts and touch even more people than you already are.
But I’ve been craving to write about me. About my life. About how life is hard sometimes and how sometimes I don’t know how to make it better.
Even as I step away from the possibility of romance
Turning away from the manipulations
Step out
Drawing my strength forward
Step out
And I can still feel desperate
Still need
Still cling
And I can cling to hope
for a simpler life
And consider falling in love with the man with the British accent on the subway
And cling to hope
to someday date a grown up who is inspired by the beauty of simple living
And choose not to date the tennis photographer
who reminds me of Pierre
And as autumn falls into winter
I have to use my flashlight to get to dinner
Every evening I walk past the great cedars
Over the bridge
Through the sound of the rushing creek
In the dark.
And last year at this time
As the nights got longer And the days darker I felt a lump in my throat begin to form
And I thought about vitamin D pills
And S.A.D. lamps And Mexico
Something. Anything.
Make it better.
But this year is different.
This year I am able to see the beauty of the stars that watch over my evening meal And feel the joy of crawling into bed at 6:30 pm to read my book.
All I want to do is retreat.
Hibernate.
I am no longer trying to combat the flow of seasons
I am tuning into nature
And riding her waves.
And as I crawl into the cave of my heart to rest for the winter I am grateful for this blanket of snow and this blanket of darkness that has come To protect me.
Until it’s time to emerge and blossom.
Summoned by the Light.
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