One symptom of trauma is people pleasing and people pleasing effs with your bank account.
After a break up, including friend break ups, there’s a period of renegotiating territory.
Like your favourite bar. Or your mutual friends’ party. Or your fav FB group on unicorn breeding.
We are mammals and although we don’t pee on shit to mark it as ours anymore, energetically we still do.
So here’s what to do to keep feeling safe in your fav spaces and with your fav ppl, after the break up:
1) Bumps are Temporary
When the territory renegotiation starts, it’s going to feel bumpyyyy. A break up significantly changes the energy between you and the other person and it’s going to take a minute for the energetic territory to reconfigure.
But in 6 months or a year, it’s going to feel like no big deal again. So yes it sucks the first time you run into him on mainstreet. But in 2 years, you won’t even notice him on the other side of the street.
2) There’s no rush
When you think about a wolf pack, the pack that claims the territory isn’t the wolf that rushes around frantically peeing on everything. It’s about confidence and physical strength.
And in the modern world it’s about confidence and energetic strength. And also there’s strength in numbers with your fellow wolf pack members aka your friends.
3) Ask for help
It’s not just about the strongest wolf, it’s about who you have in your pack. So if you wanna go back to your favourite bar, ask a good friend who you know will have your back. And make a plan of what to do if you run into your ex. Maybe you’ll wanna leave. Maybe you’ll have your friend talk to them. Maybe you’ll say hi politely and then camp out in a different part of the bar.
But I know you’re super independent and do everything on your own, but it actually works better in a pack, so ask for help.
4) Take a stand
What do you want? Do you want to go to the mutual friends party? Do you want to go to your fav coffee shop stress free? What’s your goal for 6 months down the road?
This isn’t about texting your ex and saying “you’re never allowed at Squirrley’s again!!”
It’s about slowly building your capacity to take up space, in the spaces you wanna be in. Sometimes after an amicable break up you can negotiate like, “for the next 3 months, you go Squirrlies on Fridays and I’ll go on Saturdays.”
But the long term goal is to teach your nervous system that it’s safe for you to take up space, in the spaces you wanna be in. And that your ex/ex friend can go where they want to too.
Don’t try to do it alone. The lone wolf has a harder time surviving. Gather your pack and slowly and steadily reclaim your space.
You got this,
Bryn
PS If you have the intuitive sense that I need to be a part of your wolf pack, I already have my elbows out energetically to make space for you.
Let’s talk about your goal and whether working together is the right fit.
Book a free consult – https://tr.ee/X3Cakq_MpZ
PSS Toronto peeps… there’s something that I can’t tell you yet… I will as soon as it’s allowed to be public. But what I can say for now is that if you’ve been thinking taking one of the Somatic Healing Workshops, make sure you get in on at least one of the next 3 experiences because I’m not sure how many there will be going forward, at least in the way that we’ve been running them.
Doing this work in person is life changing because you can really feel the energetic fight for territory when we’re all in the same room together.
Final Upcoming Workshops:
Asking and Receiving Workshop
Sat March 2nd, 10 am – 2 pm
Somatic Healing Intensive: exploring your masks, darkness & your light
Fri April 12th, 7 – 9 pm
Sat April 13th, 10 am – 5 pm
Grounding and Presence Workshop
Sat May 11th, 10 am – 2 pm
Learn more: brynbamber.com/cocoon/
And I’m kinda excited…
As I get to know myself better, I’m learning that I don’t like admin work or even managing a team member to do that repurposing admin work to: Continue reading “I think i’m quitting instagram…”
Toronto Somatic Healing Intensive: exploring your masks, your darkness and your light
You’ll explore and begin to heal a current challenge in your life.
Continue reading “Somatic Healing Intensive: exploring your masks, your darkness and your light”
My greatest addiction is work. When I get nervous about something my impulse can be to hustle. To wake up and do every single thing that comes into my head that might help from this anxious energy spot.
Which is very tiring and then I usually end up scrolling on FB or something and wasting time. And then beating myself up for being lazy. And then going back to taking action from this frantic place.
I’m running the 28 day Sacred Goal Process with all my one on one clients. And I forgot my workbook when I stayed with a friend on the weekend and missed two days in a row.
And I’m being nice to myself about it.
But you can be present with:
Your anxiety
Your frustration
Your grief
And that’s the goal.
I’ve been doing the Sacred Goal Process with all of my clients as a way to kickstart 2024 and it’s been powerful so I wanted to share a little bit about what I’m learning because I think it might help you.
I’ve been reading this book on the spiritual significance of the menstrual cycle and it’s been changing my life.
It talks about the spiritual growth you can do at each phase of the cycle.
And I know I’ve spent so much of my effing life worrying about the future.
Or feeling shame about the past.
And missing the moment. Missing my life.
Continue reading “This moment, right now, is your whole life…”
