Creative writing

Garden Crew

garden crew
a muttley crew
who love dirt
and worms

blood sweat and tears
they pour into this earth
to answer the simple question
how does your garden grow?

when asked
they shovel harder
weed faster
dig deeper
into their souls to find the answer

and what is life without a garden?
they ask the business people
what is life without a connection to the rhythm of the earth?
and what is life?

and the business people
plug the question into their iphones
promise to send a printout in the mail
and walk on.

To learn more about my 108 Poetry Challenge or to donate click here.

Stillness

There is a stillness that underpins all the little daily miracles,
and underpins all art.

It underpins all love,
all beauty,
all relaxation.

All hope,
and kindness.

All understanding,
inspiration,
and peace.

It is hidden on the moon and deep within your heart.

And it can be hard to find,
But it is always there,
Right below the surface.

Waiting to be drawn out,
By the ear within the ear,
The eye beneath the eye.

Breathe,
and you can tap in.

Breathe,
feel the stillness,
draw it out.

Telling a Story

I let go of the need to be seen and tune into the music,
I tune into what it brings out in me.

I dance a story.

I am running distressed,
There is sadness.
I pause and look away, shield my face with my hand,
Run again.

I do not build up walls but stay with the feeling,
And I’m not so much running from it but running with it.

The song shifts to something fast,
The dancers around me tune into the new rhythm.

My story is not over,
and so I pause,
I stay still,
Feeling the rhythm,
Feeling the sadness,
Not running from it.

And then it lifts,
and joy pours in.

I run again – this time giggling,
We run together.

What is this story of my heart?
What is this sorrow and this joy?

I let go of the need to be seen and I become free.

Blossom

I used to write poetry.
Back when my life was more dream-like,
And the only way to capture the essence of my learning was with a poem.

And then at some point my feet rooted firmly into the ground,
And the world lost a bit of its shimmer.

But its hard not to see it in the springtime,
And as the cherry trees blossom and the sweet smell of poplar leaves wafts through the air,
I’m beginning to see the shimmer in my day-to-day again.

I’m beginning to search for the magic,
To remember the magic.

Because life isn’t dull at all actually,
It only becomes dull from time to time when a set of eyes get weary and learn to miss the magic.

Since I was a child, I’ve hated scary movies. And as I grew up I learned to avoid the genres of action, adventure, crime, fantasy, horror, mystery, thriller and science fiction. I am a sensitive person and so I would get so caught up in the film it would feel like I was a participant. For example – when I was in high school I chose to stop watching The Amazing Race because I would get so wrapped up that I wouldn’t be able to fall asleep afterwards.

Last week I went to the movie theatres to watch the relatively calm film Inside Llewyn Davis and as usual there was a preview for an action film before the movie started. And I had the realization that if I focussed on breathing deeply while watching the preview – I didn’t get caught up in it. I didn’t get carried away into thinking that I was actually the main character in a fight for my life. My body didn’t go into fight or flight mode. And I could relax even while watching the preview.

Now this might not seem like that big deal but this has been a huge paradigm shift for me. Instead of avoiding all the things and all the people that make me tense (which ends up being A LOT of things and A LOT of people and gets quite complicated) – I can shift the way I interact with them. By connecting to my breath and to myself I can change the experience of the situation.

And now there are a lot of opportunities for me to practice :). Living and working in a shared space means I end up bumping into others and into myself. So what helps me stay connected to my breath in the midst of conflict?

I am practicing and I am finding out. And I am learning to change how I experience the challenges in my life.

Pressure

I am on a vacation from the community that I live in – spending a week skiing and hiking and sitting in coffee shops. And as I stepped out of the flow of community life, the first thing I noticed was how a pressure was lifted.

Suddenly I’m in a town where people don’t know my story – my habits and my background, my strengths and my weaknesses. And suddenly I can breath more fully.

So what is this pressure? Where does it come from? What is the source? And what is the cause?

In community living there are a lot of pressures. I get into disagreements. I get feedback about how I could have done something better. I give feedback about how I feel like something could be done better.

And there’s a pressure that comes with being seen by my community. There’s no hiding my habits or choices. Everyone knows and everyone is free to comment.

I’ve been in situations before where someone is trying to put the pressure on me – convince me to do something in the way that they would. And it’s easy for me to step out, to let go, to breath, to not take on the pressure.

So how can I do this where I live and work now? How can I notice the pressures but not take them on?

The first step is where I am now – to see the pressures and to acknowledge that they are impacting my life. And the next step is learning to step out when I don’t need to be in them. Taking a deep breath and realizing that what is happening doesn’t need to be taken personally. Acknowledging the facts and at the same time to not say it’s “all my fault.”

And my life in the community is the perfect place to practice this. Pressure will come up and I have a choice of how to work with it.

So Tuesday I step back, into the community, into the flow and into the pressures. By stepping out I could see what was happening. Now I can step back in and make a change.

Shame

I’m not quite sure where it starts. But at some point I realize there’s a voice that’s questioning every decision that I make. “Is that really a good idea?” “Do you really need that?” And the hidden message is really – do you really deserve that? Are you really worthy?

And right now is one of the moments. As I sit in my bed typing I have this sinking feeling in my chest. I want to sleep. I don’t want to be seen. I want it to go away. This voice tells me to hide and keep all of my actions secret so others won’t discover “what a horrible person I truly am”.

And when it gets to this stage it affects all my choices – from what to have for dinner to whether or not to buy a Macbook Air.

And I’m amazing at coping. It’s happened before and I know how to ride it out – putting off making important decisions or getting a level headed friend to help. Pretending I’m totally fine and thinking that other’s don’t notice my edginess. Smiling. Getting the work done.

But I want to do more than cope. I want to get to the roots and pull them out. I want to find out where this shame is coming from. And I want to be free.

This time it started with a busy day where people were sick and didn’t let the office know. I was coordinating the work schedule so spent a lot of time trying to figure out where people were and to find coverage for them. And then I called a community meeting to explain the importance of communicating if you can’t come to work. I also had a disagreement with a co-worker. And then talked again later to resolve the issue.

I was mad and I was tired and I was stressed. And then it was like this anger came up and then at some point was turned on myself.

The voice emerged – “Does everyone dislike me now that I called them out?” “Did I really need to say anything?” “Was the disagreement my fault?” “Am I good person at all?”

So I’m practicing believing I have worth even when it’s at its loudest. Trying to take baby steps towards shameless living. Buying the computer even though the voice thinks I’m not worth it. And using the car to transport boxes of magazines even when the voice says:

“You should walk.
Do you really want to pollute the environment with that gasoline?
Are you just being lazy?
And what if someone else needs to use the car?
Someone doing something more important.
Someone more important.”

And I think its working even though it’s far from perfect…

Step by step.
Inch by inch.
I am stumbling towards freedom.

The Breath of the New Year

The new year invites us to ask,
Where are we going?
Where are coming from?

And this year,
As I stood on that bridge in between the new year and the old
I cast a glance over my shoulder
And looked back.

Tears streamed down my face

So much has happened
So much has changed

It was a year of falling down and getting up again
Looking at mountains that seemed too big to ever climb
And trying

It was a year of running into other people
Of getting mad
Or getting hurt

And then trying to make things better
Trying to make things work

Trying to figure things out.

And as I look back I see sometimes they did work
And that I did make it part way up that insurmountable climb

Even though I fell trying
More than once

To celebrate the New Year I danced
And for me this dance became a statement

I am here
I want to be here

Even though I fall down
I want to be here

And as I look back
I gather the precious treasures from the year
And the gems I find are subtle shifts in my body and voice

Clarity in sound
More integrity in my spine

They say,
I am here
I want to be here.

subtle shifts.
hard to see.

They change everything.

Art

Art is beauty for more than the sake of itself
When the form and the essence marry
And truth becomes visible

Art depends as much on the audience as the artist
Words can be lost
Symmetry unseen

Harmony can be felt
Hearts can be opened
There can be Rhythm

It takes two to tango.

So look up as you walk down the street
Where is the color? Where is the light?

The bright eyes of a child
Small birds chattering in city shrubs
Music drifting out of a basement window
The mountains in the distance

Pause.

All art needs is an audience.

December

I make my home in the mountains

And as autumn falls into winter
I have to use my flashlight to get to dinner

Every evening I walk past the great cedars
Over the bridge
Through the sound of the rushing creek
In the dark.

And last year at this time
As the nights got longer
And the days darker
I felt a lump in my throat begin to form

And I thought about vitamin D pills
And S.A.D. lamps
And Mexico

Something. Anything.

Make it better.

But this year is different.

This year I am able to see the beauty of the stars that watch over my evening meal
And feel the joy of crawling into bed at 6:30 pm to read my book.

All I want to do is retreat.

Hibernate.

I am no longer trying to combat the flow of seasons
I am tuning into nature
And riding her waves.

And as I crawl into the cave of my heart to rest for the winter
I am grateful for this blanket of snow and this blanket of darkness that has come
To protect me.

Until it’s time to emerge and blossom.

Summoned by the Light.

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Tag: Creative writing